Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
