I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
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