So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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