Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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