I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
