Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
