Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
