Don't make out with my wife yet
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
only if we run a train.
done.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
