i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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