is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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