u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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