i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
