I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
