It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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