I have demons in me.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
