He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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