cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
