I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
how does that bad decision feel?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
