My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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