bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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