Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
