Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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