Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
