i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
