No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
