So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
