The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
