Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
