I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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