why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
