Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
don't judge my taste in strippers
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
