hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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