I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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