she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
