Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
