I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
