I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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