My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
