I think I just saw someone hide a body.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
