i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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