Will you blow on my dice?
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
