Welp...herpes.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
