i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
