I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
