he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm passing your future prison.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
