Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
