Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Randomize