Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"