I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off