be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
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there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
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We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends