we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
