Apparently you make a good broom.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
