my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
