it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
