all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
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I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
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Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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