ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
