The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
