So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just had sex on a roof
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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