Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
