I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
