He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
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You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
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I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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