idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
