so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
