i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
