you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Farmville is her only friend.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
