Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
