What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
