Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
