Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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