She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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