I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
