Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
